clarity) an understanding of another point of view! and i searched so long for one in a bottle! it was definitely down there, but restricted in glass and airflow. held breath. now just dropped down into a campsite in damp weather, with the readiness in mind for the elements but without any goddamned gear. but i'll figure through it, i'll make it work, because now i'm here, now i'm breathing the vast tree-filtered air, now i'm regulating my own thought, my own life, my own decision and action, the senses are all i need.
health) well it felt like fucking health just drained right out of me, and kept leaking from my body with every fucked up dream and shitty night and morning headache and half-stare into my own depressed chemical, my own bullshit excuse for a brain think thing that made something some dumb. but days turned into hours, luckily, and drug turned to exercise, thought to flight, words to metaphor, breath to action. shit came, as it will, again just keep faith in my own body, it's my own, it's my own, it's my only vehicle.
platitude) the same speech you've heard about 8 or 38 times from friends after they've fucked up again and again, well, it comes up out of your mouth like stale vomit but fuck it feels good. it smells great, like life, like breast milk if you can remember that far back - but you can't. it's the ending to the movie that you saw with the girl you liked, but instead of the break-up being averted at the end of the plot, you actually get the girl at the end, in your own life, and YOU wrote the script, and YOU got fucking paid for it! yet it's SO bad, and it's such terrible art, but hey: it's yours.
boredom) motive. chase. digress. sleep. second guess. RELIEF. constriction. cages. boredom. creativity? cell phone? breath. eyes closed. eyes open. eyes closed, eyes open. eyes. eyes. eyes. eyes looking at brain. looking. waiting. waiting for nothing. action. doing. waiting. constriction. steping, chasing, running. leading. walking. just walking. listening. waiting. sleep.
rebound) at least an interest in something new. you told yourself how new and exciting the world was when you were young and first went walking into a brand new city on your own, you told yourself you'd never lose this feeling. well you lost it. but you can find it, with change comes stability, with rebound comes anything. remember when you were happy with anything? you're still happy with anything. this type is anything, this type doesn't fucking matter, you know this, and you love this. you illustrate this, and you love such an idea.
